The late Malcolm Muggeridge might say that this sort of suffering, in context of Michael’s question, presents a dilemma to which reason provides no answer.
In other words there is no reasonable answer. But there is an answer: an unreasonable one.
And the answer to that question can only be found…in mysticism.
Go look for it. Maybe the answer lies within the transformative aspects of the journey itself. If not apprehended wholly then in part, over time, like jagged pieces of a picture puzzle that cut to the heart of the matter when understood. Or quick glimpses recognized intuitively, like still frames in a movie, of somewhere, someone or something.
Likely our comprehension of the deepest truths of life’s imperfections will only be completed in eternity, when the veil of suffering and tears has finally been lifted…and it all makes perfect sense. When viewed in totality, beyond time and space, perhaps our earthly suffering will be seen as a mere speedbump on the way to something greater.
I will say this, every time Michael relates stories about his disabled brother Jerome I cannot avoid being thrown into almost a panic attack. The anxiety and stress is so acute it stabs me in the heart and transfixes me to harsh reality, to the here and now, and pulls me out of any doubts about the nature of existence and how brutal it can be.
I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, but I’m leaning towards the good. Another word for reality is humility. And humility can often be found, like a cold slap in the face, in a good dose of reality. It makes me appreciate my own circumstances, no matter how bad they get. It makes me understand Michael’s animated intensities a little more…
The consolations only come when Michael questions authority – “why can’t I talk to Jerome?” – breaks from the official party line and expert opinion and goes with his heart. Love is the animating force here. Hence, its carryover into how he sometimes conducts himself in life and politics when challenging authority or the popular consensus for the love of truth.
Who can forget Michael’s stories of refusing to harm animals in pursuit of an advanced degree; hence, losing his scholarship–but finding his soul…and vocation in Botany? Again, love of life is the instinctual drive.
In a mystical sense, perhaps part of the answer is this: looking down from Heaven, I think Jerome would be quite impressed with Michael’s love and devotion to him. Like a Catholic to a particular saint.
I this way, I can relate.
Some things can only be understood through the eyes of faith…